Being honest only one part; accountability is the other

Posted Thursday, January 17th, 2013. Filed Under Voices of wisdom

It is my son’s bar mitzvah this weekend. It has been a long road and a lot of planning and executing. Now it is time to let go and hand it off to the people that were hired to make sure all goes smooth.

Letting go is something that I have been talking and writing about. I recently wrote about how my intention for 2013 is all about letting go. Nothing like the present to put things into practice.

A few things have come up this week to really ‘test’ me. Whether it is truly a test or not, it definitely is a choice on how I respond.

I will share one incident. I had parked to do some banking. When I finished I was walking out to my car when not just one but two people were trying to get my attention. This young man came up to my car and said the he had hit my car and that he looked at it and there was no damage that he can see. I got out of my car and looked. What do I know. I asked the guy for his name and number and said I will bring it to a garage that I know and get back to him.

The next day I took my car over and because I didn’t know exactly where the guy had hit me, we looked at my bumper. Sure enough there is damage to my car. Now to the naked eye it likely wasn’t apparent also coupled with the fact that my car is dirty. However when you wipe away the dirt you can see spider marks coming from the place that he likely hit me. I call the guy from the garage and tell him that there is damage and the cost to fix the bumper is $600. Now there is a chance that I can buff it out and I can look into that.

My call to notify this guy there was damage created a shift in his behaviour. Now that there was a potential cost the questions started: How did I know that the mark came from him? If there was damage why didn’t the dirt move or show? I told him that I will like to see his car. It turns out it is his mother’s car and so we agreed to meet at her work the next day. I went over there and had him describe how he backed into my car. I did see a white mark on his right back bumper. He also took pictures. His mother came out and she began to speak in her mother-tongue (not English). In there I heard some English “People like this….” I looked at them and I said, “I am not people like this, I am honest and to remind you it was your son who hit me”. His mother was aggressive and with her limited English she told me that her son-in-law is a lawyer. LIKE THAT IS SUPPOSED TO SCARE ME. I have had my share with lawyers. Most of them shoot hot air.

We decided that he will give me the number of the witness. I spoke to my boyfriend because he owns a brokerage and car insurance is one of his areas. The problem I said is that the cost to fix the car is about the same cost as my deductible and if I put it through insurance then there is a chance that my car insurance will go up.

Part of me sat back and asked myself, why did this happen? Why now? Maybe I am supposed to slow down. Maybe I am to stand up for myself and speak my truth? I really believe that I am here to teach this boy about responsibility. I keep thinking to myself, why did he tell me? If he wasn’t prepared to take responsibility than why not take off. He wanted to go through the motion of telling me and when I told him there was damage he changed his story and has been avoiding my calls ever since. This behaviour will not bring about change for this world, the youth or anyone. Until we take our full responsibility and the consequences, we might as well run away. This will only bring more of the same.

If you truly want to take responsibility and accountability for your actions and choices, then know that once you begin the process you must finish the process and take whatever consequences come your way. You may disagree with them and challenge them giving concrete reasoning why the punishment does not fit the crime, otherwise, suck it up and learn from it.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

All my love,


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