Evaluating Relationships

Posted Friday, July 6th, 2012. Filed Under Voices of wisdom

This full moon was just about that, evaluating relationships — really seeing your relationships for what they are. Are they based in truth, authenticity, unconditional love and integrity or are they really an illusion? You might ask yourself how will I know? YOU KNOW. The truth is always there. It’s like having a revelation about someone that they were once this way and now they are that way. NO. They always had the propensity to be the other way — neither good or bad.

This past weekend I celebrated my 45th birthday. We came home from a great weekend to have dinner with my family and celebrate my twin’s birthday, my nephew’s, my niece’s, sister-in-law’s, and sister’s birthday. Our birthdays ranged from end of June to end of July. It was the only time we would all be together until the end of the summer. After coming off a great weekend I went to this dinner ready to share my great weekend. My twin brother’s wife threw him a 45th birthday which unfortunately we missed however I was hoping to see pictures and hear all about it.

EXPECTATIONS…. I believe I have put them to bed and I guess I haven’t.. at least not entirely. The dinner was nothing that I “expected”. I left upset about my other brother and sister going into a gift for my twin and not including me — forget the fact that I got nothing. As far as I knew we don’t exchange gifts. I guess the rules changed. The excuse from my sister was that I didn’t go to the party. I am thinking, so what I still would have chipped into the gift. My sister-in-law barely said anything and really I did not feel special at all that day. I came home so upset.

To boot. My children, who I understand were never taught by my ex, didn’t do anything for my birthday – not a card, not a hand-written card, not breakfast in bed. They promised but never delivered. I was disappointed and told them so. EXPECTATIONS.

Then my boyfriend threw me a surprise birthday party and there were my closest friends (my sister and some were missing) and family. My sister-in-law didn’t come because she was leaving for Vegas the next day. My twin and younger brother were there. I was so happy.

What did this show me… drop the expectations, know who you are dealing with, and surround yourself with the authentic, unconditional loving friendships. I know who my family are and I know who my sister-in-law is. That’s ok. I need to drop my expectations. As for my kids, I asked my boyfriend to “teach” my boys how to give from their heart. It does not have to cost money it really is about showing that you care. The party that my boyfriend threw was amazing. He did a great job. What I really loved was that he cared and showed me from his heart. He surrounded me with my closest friends whom I love and cherish dearly.

This is something my boyfriend is learning as well. I am proud of him that he is seeing the difference with true, authentic friendships. My friends love him and want to be around him — not just because they are my friends, they truly care for him.

This weekend, as you sit around with family and friends, look around and see how they make you feel. If these friends and family make you feel good (not because they say yes always and do what you want), give you unconditional love, treat you with respect, and show they care then you know you are surrounded by authentic, true and loving relationships. If you cannot answer, “yes” to this, then step back and ask yourself what part of you is not loving and honouring yourself and what kind of people do you want in your life?

Have a great weekend.

All my love,


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