Failure Is The Only Option

Posted Friday, May 21st, 2010. Filed Under Voices of wisdom

This is the title in O The Oprah Magazine, 10th Anniversary special edition for May 2010.

What caught my attention was one article in particular written by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of 5 books with the most famous being Eat Pray Love and most recent, Commitment. I have read Eat Pray Love and did enjoy it. Actually, I walked away with sound “advice”. When I was going through mediation in my divorce I took her advice to go to my higher self and have a conversation with my soon to be ex about how we need to work in the best interest of the children. During mediation I really believed we were going to arbitration – I could not see us agreeing. However, in the 11th hour there I was making a deal with my ex. I use this technique when I feel necessary and I suggest it to others when they are about to go into a tenuous situation and want more “input” as to the outcome.

We never really know how things will unfold, we need to trust and believe in the universe and process.

BACK TO THE ARTICLE…. I want to quote some of what was written for I feel that many of us, in particular women, tend to do what she is describing in this article.

As women we have come to a place where we need to be THE PERFECT MOTHER, WIFE, DAUGHTER, FRIEND, EMPLOYEE and so on … to the point of detriment: stress, comparing, jealousy for some, and more. Elizabeth writes: “As we head into this next decade, can we draft a joint resolution to drop the crazy-making expectations that we must all be perfect friends and perfect mothers and perfect workers and perfect lovers with perfect bodies who dedicate ourselves to charity and grow our own organic vegetables, at the same time that we run corporations and stand on our heads while playing the guitar with our feet?”

When you read this you laugh and say that is absolutely ridiculous — I don’t do that. I challenge you to look in the mirror for I will guess that most if not all at one time do this to ourselves. I know I DO!! In fact, a very close friend just today told me that I do. He said that when something happens with my kids I question my mothering skills and he said he hates it — I AM A GREAT MOTHER. Yes, always nice to hear but the person who needs to tell me this and then listen, IS ME.

I will sign Elizabeth’s joint resolution. I do not want to live my life this way being so hard on myself. Unconditional love is something that I struggle with for it is not something that I have seen often in my close relationships – with my girlfriends YES, others NO. This is changing and I have broken the cycle. I am working on bringing this in and again it starts with me connecting to source/universe/G-d and knowing I am perfect and always loved — ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE.

Elizabeth goes on to describe that she feels “as though we are all mice in a giant experimental maze, scurrying around frantically, trying to find our way through.” She goes on to say that historically we do not have centuries of women who can show us this. This changes now for we can begin to slow down, be in the moment and show our children how to do this while at the same time showing ourselves unconditional love.

Elizabeth goes on to say that “what is worst is that we constantly measure ourselves against each other’s progress, which is a truly dreadful habit”. I love the advice Elizabeth’s sister, Catherine, gave to a neighbour who happened to watch her handle a whole bunch of kids. She turned to her and said, “You’re such a better mother than I will ever be.” At which point Catherine turned around and said, “Please. Let’s not do this to each other, okay?”

PLEASE PLEASE I strongly suggest this advice above. Let’s stop comparing ourselves to other people. Yes there are days where everything works out and you feel great! Yes, there are days when all seems to fall apart at the seam, the kids are driving you crazy, you’re yelling and you feel like the worst mother, friend, daughter, etc. SO WHAT. This is not WHO YOU ARE it is a BAD MOMENT.

This is what I told my son who really pushed me to the limit. After he looked at himself and said, I am a terrible son. I looked at him and said NO you are a great son, you just had a bad moment. Let it go it does not define who you are.

All that is said is really for me! I need to heed my own writing and advice. I want to share this with you for some or all may feel how I do at one time or another.

I want to end with this… Elizabeth Gilbert gave her advice and I like it so I will share it: The key to a well-lived life is to screw up (often and boldly), learn from your mistakes, repeat!

Have a wonderful long weekend.

All my love,


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,


Share Your Thoughts


Leave a Reply