Family unit today

Posted Friday, May 8th, 2015. Filed Under Voices of wisdom

I know someone going through a bad divorce (is there ever a good one) and he said he wishes he can have his family back and things were the same. He said it should be against the law to divorce if both parties don’t want it.

Now, let me say that I believe that some people walk away from their marriage thinking the grass is greener however most people I know have ended it based on the fact that they have grown apart, are different people, and/or there is some sort of abuse (mental/physical).

I told my new friend that wishing things were exactly the same is all about him. What about the other person and their thoughts, feelings?

I believe where his sentiments come from are his fears about his change of family dynamics. We often hold these old thought patterns of what makes up a family. This moved us into a discussion about what makes up the nuclear family today.

Being divorced for 9 years and my ex meeting someone right away and blending a family, forced me to look at what consists of a family unit. Initially I was devastated thinking that I no longer had a family unit. What I learned is that me and the boys are a family of 3 and with my extended family of parents, brothers, sisters and their kids a family of 14.

Today there is no such thing as a normal or nuclear family. The family unit has taken on so many shapes and forms. There are single mothers by choice, divorced families, blended families, sam sex families and the list goes on.

So bringing us back to the initial conversation about things going back to ‘normal’ for my friend so he can get his family back, really makes no sense. His relationship ended because his wife was not happy. In fact, I am not sure he was happy. Regardless of the reason, his life will take a new turn and I have told him he needs to redefine his definition of family.

Interestingly enough, when I talk to people about the family unit there is still this thought that a family is made up of a mother, father and two children.

We need to change that.

I have finally come to terms with my definition. More importantly is that it is my extended family that is equally part of my family definition. For me, this includes my closest friends who I feel are like my sisters.

On that note, I want each and every one of you to know that every family is special regardless of its makeup. Have a wonderful weekend.

I also want to wish all the mothers out there a Happy Mother’s Day for this Sunday.

All my love,

Sandra




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