Is it really confidence or just taking a risk?

Posted Friday, May 10th, 2013. Filed Under My Daily Dose

I wanted to share this articel by Jill Hewlett. I really like her work:


Thoughts by:Jill Hewlett

People often associate confidence and competence as concepts that are intrinsically connected. This is not the case.

I know many people who are highly competent in their field or skill, yet do not have the equivalent amount of confidence. On the other hand, I know a lot of folks who teem with confidence in their thoughts and actions, yet when it comes down to knowledge or skill set, they are a novice.

Recently a woman, who attended one of my book talks, said she was surprised and delighted to hear me say that confidence is not something I come by easily. She could relate and now understood why so many people assume her to be highly confident, when in fact that assumption is not accurate. Like me, she is simply a person who is willing to take action and make needed changes in areas such as health, career, and relationship, where others would prefer to maintain the status quo.
When her friends, family, and colleagues complain about their problems and dissatisfaction, she urges them to take action and make change; but they respond saying they can’t because they aren’t “nearly as confident or as capable as she is”. This never makes sense to her. She doesn’t believe they actually need confidence or expertise to make positive changes. She is right.

While I don’t have a natural flow of steady confidence that infuses my life, I do seem to have an abundance of courage and willingness to follow my heart – even if I’m shaking in my boots the entire way!

I can openly tell you that it was not confidence that fueled my six- month backpacking trip through India, my decision to be an entrepreneur on an unpaved wellness path, or homebirth my child. Rather it was the courage and belief that I was being called by a power and desire (bigger than my fears), and I had the willingness to give those opportunities a fair shot.

In the words of famous rapper and actor, ICE T, sometimes we need to say “F— it” and then just go for it – knowing that confidence is over-rated and nothing will happen if we don’t ever take a risk.

Thankfully years ago, my father surmounted a confidence issue to follow his heart and ask my mother out on their first date, even when he was certain she’d say no. My sisters and I wouldn’t be here, if he hadn’t’ taken the risk!

My parents were working for the same company but on different floors. Occasionally they would run into each other in the lunch room or water cooler and exchange a nod or pleasantry. My father was head over heels for her, and to this day he says he knew from the start he was right for her. However, he was not confident she’d give him the chance to prove it.

At that point in his young life, he did not have much experience with women, and most importantly, he frequently stuttered. So it took every ounce of courage, faith, and willingness to approach her and do his best to clearly communicate his heartfelt desire to take her on a date.

When that day came, he was so nervous and convinced she’d say no, that when she replied with a yes, he actually thought she had declined! Fortunately, that confusion was cleared, and they proceeded onto their first outing….followed by more. Within the first few years of being in a relationship with my mother, my father’s confidence grew and his stuttering went away. Soon they will be celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary.

While some personality types come by confidence more naturally, and others less so, it is not an essential precursor to success. More than anything, it is a muscle that grows and develops through our learning and life experiences. This is just as it develops for a child as they learn to walk, read and ride a bike!

When my daughter was first learning to read, it was not something she felt comfortable or confident with. However, with practise and familiarity with site words and phonetics, she has gained confidence in her abilities. This did not happen overnight.

These natural growth processes are relevant to all of us. Confidence can and will grow in its own authentic way as we engage with life, practise the things we want to become skilled at, ask for help, look for role models and mentors, take ourselves less seriously, and most importantly, make it our intention to enjoy the journey!

Keep in mind that confidence comes in many forms. For example, we can have the confidence in knowing that if we fall – we’ll get back up, if we fail – we’ll try again, if we don’t have the answers or solution – we can find someone who does.

So what goal, change or opportunity are you hesitant on taking action, simply because confidence is an issue? Then based on the conversation above, take a moment to question how important confidence really is and recall these wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt…

“We gain strength, courage and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face – we must do that which we think we cannot.”

To your growth,

In this issue:

Women’s Circles –
(TO & York Region)
Brain Works Updates


To Nurture, Inspire & Encourage
Your LIfe Journey…

Women’s Wellness Circles:

Join a group of women who share common interests and are also on a journey of personal growth
New topics every month.
Have Fun, Laugh, Be Inspired.
Bring A Friend, Make New Friends.
Gentle movement & simple meditations.
Activities for reflection and self-awareness.
Toronto Women’s Wellness Circle –

Date: Friday May 24th
Time: 7:20pm – 9:30pm
Location: Spirit Loft
Address: 276 Carlaw Avenue #210 Toronto (@ Queen St. East in Leslieville)
Cost: $20 / person
RSVP: Via this email or

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