Judging a Book By It’s Cover

Posted Friday, August 17th, 2012. Filed Under Voices of wisdom

I had dinner with a close friend of mine and her husband and she was sharing a story with me and my boyfriend. I want you to keep in mind that one person is a crown attorney and the other a defence lawyer. I don’t hold it against them because they are lawyers!! After many topics we did talk about the legal system, in particular the family law system and how it operates on its own accord — NOT IN A GOOD WAY.

My friend was saying that she has a friend from England, well educated who moved here and decided to become a personal trainer after years of corporate work. He is black. Now I tell you this because unfortunately it is relevant to the story. This man met a Russian white woman and they had a child together. So what?? I live in Canada, one of the most multi cultural countries in the world. There is tolerance and for me personally I love people from all backgrounds.

He does not marry this woman however he has a financial responsibility to the child and does pay child support. He also spends time with his child – for this is important. My friend was telling me that this man is quite large and well defined. One day, when his girlfriend (at the time they were together) was in Russia for a few weeks, he receives a knock on the door. It is the police. It appears that his girlfriend has gone “missing” according to the neighbours. The police start to question him and he says she is out of town. He had to literally call her in Russia to prove she is alive and well. His first experience with being “profiled”.

After splitting up and he telling her he is not going to marry her she begins allegations that he was hitting her and received full custody of their child. He has been fighting this since. Now his time has been limited to rarely with his child. My friend said the mother took their child to Russia for 10 weeks and she returned and the child didn’t. He now has to fight allegations against him and try and get his child back if the child doesn’t return by the court appointed date.

He cannot understand what he did wrong and why our system has targeted him so. I may not be relaying all the details however I can tell you at the end of the story I was a little dumbfounded to hear how he was racially profiled. Now, maybe I am naive and this happens all the time. For goodness sake, I am Jewish and I have heard my share of “jokes”. I guess it disappoints me to hear in this day and age, and that we live in such a multi-cultural country that this is still happening to this degree.

I am sure that certain communities will say, this is happening all the time.

Why do we judge a book by it’s cover – whether it is their colour, their creed, their religion, their sex?? When will this change. It will change only when we remove those barriers and begin to look at people for who they are. Does being religious make you a good person? Does the fact that you donate your time or money to a charity make you a good person? NO what makes you a good person is that you a kind and compassionate all the time. That you would open a door for a person regardless of age, colour, creed, religion or sex.

It begins with the individual. Before you choose to judge something or someone there is a good chance that you may not know all of the facts or information. When a story is shared it is from the perspective of the person. Likely there is more to it – that reinforces it or counters it. Now I know that you cannot worry what people say about you and it shouldn’t bother you. Really, it means stop judging yourself.

Be true to who you are ALWAYS. Take the “mask” away and stop being concerned about what other’s think. YOu may find you really like yourself OR you may find that you really are not a nice person and perhaps you need to shift your ways.

A little heavy for a summer day… enjoy the day and be true to you!

All my love,


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