Learning from disappointment and expectations

Posted Thursday, July 19th, 2012. Filed Under Voices of wisdom

Two weeks ago I wrote and article how my family really disappointed me during my birthday. I was triggered to look in the mirror. Time is a wonderful thing, it allows you to step back and ask yourself, “Am I being too sensitive or not? What can I learn from this situation?” Was I sensitive, yes and did I learn from this, yes.

My learning has been on-going, it is about taking responsibility for my choices and actions — and expectations. I decided to call each one of my siblings up and talk to them about how I felt. This also included my sister-in-law. So I did just that.

Last Friday I picked up the phone and called one by one. It was a great experience. It allowed us to speak very honest and frank with one another, however in a loving and compassionate way. It was not about trying to convince them that I was right and they were wrong. I really wanted to express how I felt and why I felt as I did and then I listened to what they had to say. In some cases I apologized for things, in others they apologized, and then there was the decision to agree to disagree – not in a bad or mean way, rather that both people felt as they did and each person’s opinion would be honoured. Finally, at some points nothing really needed to be said.

This is the first time in my life that I have addressed certain topics and it felt really good to be able to talk and share with my family. I still know who each one is and I don’t have any expectations that they will be anything but whom they are. I also know who I am. What was important to me was that we will continue to be close as a family as well as bring our children and families together.

I was exhausted from this experience however it was really good for me. It shows me how far I have come and how I have healed where it comes to my family. My disappointment only comes from me because I have the expectations. When I let them go… it is great.

I also had a chance to speak to my mom and we had a great talk.

As for my boys, I sat each one down and told them that the time has come in their life to be responsible and accountable for their actions or lack of. It is not my responsibility nor my ex’s to continue to show them the way when it comes to recognizing birthdays or special events. They are the recipients on many occasions and now, especially my older one, who will be in different social settings, they need to consciously make their choices. From my end, me and my boyfriend will continue to guide the boys however each one is responsible. I told them it does not come down to money, it comes down to showing you care and taking the time to do something special — it can be just buying someone a cup of coffee, opening a door, drawing a picture, making breakfast in bed, saying a kind word — GIVING. And I want them to know that they are worthy of receiving – someone offering to pay for their dinner, taking them to a ball game or movie, or whatever it is. I expressed there is a difference between giving and receiving AND taking.

Overall, this was a great experience and I am grateful to have gone through it.

In that posting I asked you to look around and evaluate the people you are surrounding yourself with. This time you may want to revisit your evaluation and decide, like me, it may be worth opening up the communication. Or not. Do not do so expecting to change someone or the situation. Come from a place of love and share from your perspective. Be prepared to listen to what they have to say. Is it coming from a good place? Are they trying to control you and make you feel bad? Is it about one being right and one being wrong? If you feel like the person you are sharing with is trying to manipulate the situation, listen and then take what resonates and leave the rest.

You always have the choice who you want to be in your life, even with family. You get to set the boundaries.

Have a wonderful weekend.

All my love,

Sandra

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