I love sharing words of wisdom from others. This is an article in February’s edition of Oprah magazine, page 50.

This question was addressed to Iyanla:


She responded:

1. Don’t expect to get all you need from one person. Whether we’re talking about romantic relationships, or close bonds with family members, love is never co-dependency, validation, self-worth, self-value, or self-esteem. It’s an experience that should fill us with joy – not serve as a replacement for loving ourselves.

Self-worth for me is all about loving and honouring who you are and your truth.

2. Heal your wounds. Many of us ask ourselves in live, Am I unlovable? Often this question arises after a difficult relationship, be it romantic or familial, that leads us
to believe we are. Only when we resolve the pain of these experiences will we believe ourselves worthy of affection and receiving. That belief is what allows our capacity to love and grow.

I could not agree more. I have learned to love myself. The healing was often self-healing and forgiveness of ME. I need to stop being so hard on myself. I also had to learn to receive love and know I am worthy of it. I do!

3. Don’t impose conditions. If you loved me, you would…. If I had more love, I could… Such attitudes are recipes for disappointment within any relationship. To usher more love into our lives, we must release our expectations about what it should be and start opening up ourselves to all that it is.

This is something I definitely agree with. Letting go of expectations is crucial. What you are letting go of is the outcome. When I don’t I find I am more disappointed. This is not how I choose to live my life. I want to embrace life as it happens in the moment. That is my intention.

4. Serve others. When we give without expectation of reward or recognition, our hearts open to the wealth of love. There are few things that can offer you a greater sense of love – for yourself, for your fellow human being – than giving to someone with a need bigger than your own.

There is no doubt that giving for the sake of giving just because is a great feeling. This is something we can show and demonstrate to our children.

5. Embrace acceptance. When we learn to be okay with ourselves and those in our lives, whether they’re family members or potential partners, our hearts open to a deeper understanding of what is, rather than a discouraging longing for what isn’t. It’s a lot easier to love the person right in front of you than someone that doesn’t exist.

I love this and lived it. Acceptance is key to relationships with yourself and others. Once you learn to accept who you are or who someone else is you let go of so much angst and even anger.

If you cannot accept a person for who they are then you may have to let them go.

There is always a choice.

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