Step Mom’s Life Lessons by Shanda Sumpter

Posted Thursday, July 7th, 2011. Filed Under My Daily Dose

I wanted to share this article as I look forward to being a step mom and these are words of wisdom to follow.

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as me:

Life Lessons of a Step Mom
by Shanda Sumpter

Being a step mom comes with many challenges and a ton of life lessons. Most of all, it calls you forward to being the best person you can be because all of “your stuff” comes barreling forward.

My step daughter is graduating today and all her family is in town and I find myself being less than important. Have you ever been faced with this feeling?

It’s not really personal, it’s just part of the role. As a step mom, you have certain things you’re responsible for, but you also have to know when to step down and allow for the parents to bask in the accomplishment of raising their children.

I’m not writing today to shine a light on separation but to hopefully give credit to all the step parents out there for being the best you can be in the role you play.

You see, I’m also a step daughter to an amazing woman named Wendy whom I love just like my mom. She’s had to face the conversations of “You’re not my mom” and “you can’t change me”. I have to giggle at the hardships I caused Wendy. Yet she STILL stood by me! She is one of my biggest mentors in life because she held respect for herself and that lesson helped me learn to respect myself.

To all of the birth moms and dads out there, don’t under estimate the gift of good step parents. It takes a big heart to nurture your children and take them under your care. It’s a form of team work that works to the benefit of your child’s life experience. It definitely helps if you make an effort to synergies with the team instead of fighting the process. My good friend Cynthia Kersy always says, “Why argue with reality?” I’ve always loved that saying. It just is what it is. Are you going to be instrumental and make a difference or become more of the problem?

If parents separate and move onto new love relationships, it’s part of a divine plan. The best strategy is to be in sync with all parties, have a good plan and most of all, work together. It teaches your children to work together in this world with what you are given, instead of being separate. What a wonderful gift and life lesson. Don’t you think that will serve them tremendously in the work force? People who know how to navigate more and fight less have an easier time in integrating into successful business ventures in life. Often you find the loud, opinionated person the one who is struggling with getting ahead in life. Who are you teaching your children to be?

As a step child myself, it really helped that my parents were selfless enough to not wrap me up in their drama or belief systems. They stood for each other even when they didn’t 100% agree with each other. Isn’t that a good strategy for success?

Life is a series of negotiations and you choose carefully what it is that you want. The truth is, without this awareness you’ll find that you will hit brick walls in your growth. You MUST learn how to serve into what’s important to other people to get the big promotions or land that deal you’ve wanted for so long. Regardless of your approach, it’s an art not a science and you hold the key to your own and your families ability to thrive. Look deeper into your attitude about life. You’re mirroring it in your business. I’m sure of that. After coaching thousands of people it’s not hard to see what’s holding people back in every area of their life. The problem sticks out like a sore thumb in their personal life.

I’ve learned these traits from my family and it’s help tremendously in my business. You never get far all on your own. In fact you struggle a lot more in life when you can’t get along with people. The truth is you will never get everything in life that you want the way you want it but you’ll get close to perfection when you give up the control.

People react to your giving. Are you giving grief or are you giving loving suggestions in your life? You do have a choice even if you are dealing with difficult people.

Last night I sat down with my step daughter to talk about her recent mood shift. I came from a place of sharing and willingness to listen to whatever she was tossing around in her head. The conversation went great and ended with a great big hug! I love that little graduating girl and want only what’s best for her. However, I see many area’s that I can assist her happiness based on life experience. It’s important to help each other as partnering humans co-working this planet together. It doesn’t matter if we are helping a teen, adult, or elderly, just do SOMETHING to assist the happiness and ease of another.

You show your children, step children and family, what’s best in life when you hold a space of safety and love. Do your best not to enter into a conversation with a righteous, self serving attitude. Somehow, you are hurt and they are responsible. STOP playing the Blame Game. Now is the time that we get along and let go of the victim story for good!!

No one wants to be in war even when they seem to be committed to it. People want to be heard, understood, and cared for. My experience with difficult people has been the more challenging the more love they need. So give love and get on with it already. Now that’s a conversation worth having!

Much Love,

Shanda Sumpter
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