The movie: Blue Valentine

Posted Friday, February 18th, 2011. Filed Under Voices of wisdom

I went to see the movie Blue Valentine with my best friend. I had no expectations. I did see a preview and I really like the actors involved. As we sat there the movie starts at the end, their current relationship and I switches between the past and present to give us a sense of how this relationship developed.

I don’t want to divulge too much but what I can say is that when the movie ended it was like, “That’s it?” It definitely was a movie that left me thinking and wanting to discuss.

The movie itself shows how we have dreams and desires and then something small or big take us off this path. At the time we may be excited about this new road or perhaps feel we have no other choice. For instance, a teenage pregnancy may excite you to be a mom — look at Hollywood. They have glamourized being a mom – it looks fun. In reality it will change the course of your life. I recognize that there are religious reasons one may have that drive a choice or even moral reasons.

A choice has been made and a path is being followed. Then a month, a year or even a few years pass and you wake up and realize that this is not the path that you saw for yourself. It happens to many if not all of us at one point in our life. I never imagined being divorced with two children, yet here I am. I believed marriage was forever. I have since looked at my belief system and questioned my beliefs, keeping some, altering others and discarding a few.

Let’s talk about you. Life is about choices. Do you become angry at the world (when you are really angry with yourself) or do you take accountability and responsibility and begin to make choices that are more in alignment with who you are and what you really want without playing the victim role. Rather, taking back your power.

I really really believe that many marriages can actually be saved. It takes awareness, forgiveness, acceptance, and a lot of work. In the movie you get the sense that life sucks. We made our choices and then we are stuck with them. This is not true. We are the actors in our own play and we can write the scenes how we want. Now I say this not to be flippant rather to know that you can really turn your life around in a very short period of time. Short, how long? It is different for each person and family.

It also begins with gratitude. Find something or many things in your life that you are grateful for – your health, your home, food on the table, your child(ren)’s smiling face. It just can be one thing. That is a good starting point. It also allows you to move out of that place of anger. Then you need to find a good support system: therapist, doctor, friend and family that will assist you on this road. It will not be easy at times and at other times you will be immersed in joy.

I truly believe that our path is not straight and that we take crooked turns, we fall off a cliff, we get back on, we get stuck, then we move at lighting speed toward what we want — the journey, if you will, is full of twists and turns and some parts smooth and others bumpy. What ever decision you made in your life do not think you are stuck or bound by it. You can always re-evaluate and see how you make changes to fulfill your dreams and desires.

That is what maturity and being an adult is about. It means considering all parties, working together and coming up with a win/win solution.

I hope you have a great weekend and know LIFE IS GREAT!!!

All my love,

Sandra

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