When we react are we being triggered?

Posted Friday, April 1st, 2011. Filed Under Voices of wisdom

The last 13 years I have been on a journey … first what I thought was growth and discovery really was truly about awareness and self-love. The more that I learned to love and honour myself, unconditionally, the more it is reflected in all my relationships: self, family, friends, work, finances, health and so on.

The hardest part is taking that look in the mirror and acknowledging who you are, what part you play in your life (victim?? perpetrator?), and then learning to accept where you are at in your life. Anyone on this journey has heard from all the gurus (and I use that lightly for we all have the same answers within) that “in life we are at where we are meant to be”. It begins with being grateful for all that is in your life at that moment and time. The more we learn to love ourselves, listen to our inner wisdom and guidance, and honour that in our choices, the closer we come to our truth; we are always being guided for our best good and higher self.

So, what happens when, like me, you have been working for years to break cycles … you want to change the story that you have been telling yourself. It is scary and daunting at times. HOWEVER it is also an illusion. The sooner we learn that we can alter our thinking, feeling, beliefs and outcome, the sooner we begin to live the life we want. The more aligned we are between our truth and choices (how we live our life – walking our talk) the more this life is realized.

So what cycles are you perpetuating .. and what happens when you are questioned about breaking these cycles? I am ready to bring someone special into my life. My “story” has been around self-love and subconsciously that I am not good enough. So, when someone good comes along I found ways to sabotage the relationship. I am changing this story in my head and getting to a place of self-love and acceptance. I sat with my Mastermind group and I was talking about my work (another fear around failure — really around success!) and then briefly mentioned my dating experiences. When I was questioned about the fact that I really did not want to have a relationship, I responded that I did not want to talk about it for they did not understand. The women continued to push me. I was told that I wasn’t really open and wasn’t really ready. This really pushed my buttons. I began to fight back and raise my voice and even cry. I told them that I am scared and that this is new for me. I am so grateful that they pushed me for it really forced me to declare who I am and what I want. I know that opening my heart with the chance of being hurt is a great step to breaking this cycle. I also know that the person I have attracted into my life is an incredible person – kind, generous, supportive, a great listener and has shown that he really cares.

I see that my first response was to react and fight back. That “fighting back” is really your ego pulling you back to the way things were … not the way things are. If you are really trying to make a change in your life and you are struggling, ask yourself, what is being triggered within you? Why are you acting or reacting this way? What is the true source of this anger?

A good friend of mine has also been working hard at breaking cycles. She and her brother have been through legal issues around the family estate. She reacted to many of his emails and antics and this needed to change. She came to a place of forgiveness and understanding of who her brother is .. also understanding the belief their family held around money which likely directed his actions. With knowledge, time and experience she was able to stop reacting and put her self into a better place; come from a place of heart energy. She was no longer being triggered. What is fascinating is sharing a very personal experience whereby she found out her brother is really sick. He has cancer. She decided to write him a note from a place of love and acceptance and send him good wishes. WOW. He responded with gratitude for her kind note.

I am so proud of her as I am of myself. Breaking cycles is tough, challenging and at times frustrating. It is a constant road of taking accountability and responsibility for our choices and actions. If we react, what is triggering this behaviour? Are we really open to looking? Think about this the next time you react to something. Is it you or the other person? I am sorry to tell you this, however, it is likely something within you that is being triggered about yourself. The person may even be projecting their own stuff onto you. If that is the case, recognize this and then gently hand it back by not reacting and respond to the person or even yourself, “This is not about me”. Also take the time to look and see what part of you was stirred. Why was it triggered? It may mean something, it may not. That is for you to determine.

When we get angry, we can ask ourselves, is the anger because the person is pushing too hard? or is it because they have hit a cord and you do not want to deal with it? Anger, in check, is ok, because sometimes we need to go to this place to realize what is really driving this and the make the desired change.

I know that I did that and my anger was coming from fear and having to really deal with it. If I didn’t address it, acknowledge, accept it and then move through it I likely would not have made the decision to give this person a chance – to open up my heart to give and receive and really experience the level of intimate relationship that I want. I am grateful for this experience.

I want to wish all people good luck on this journey, especially those determined to break a cycle. It is worth it.

Have a great weekend.

All my love,


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